My Own Dark Night of the Soul

I listened to Sonia Choquette talk about her grief and journey to wholeness following her divorce and
the loss of her father and brother six weeks apart in the same time. She talked about falling apart and
the subsequent issues of rebuilding here spirit and the impact it had on her as an intuitive gift.
This intimately influenced me because she is someone that I admire and love from afar and to know that
she experienced a similar event as I explained so much. It made me understand that I was not weak, as a
woman of faith to fall into a state of depression. When I listened to her heart and her words, it made me
understand that there are those of us that are called to great things and to get there, we may have to
suffer great loss and endure heartbreaking loss. Entering our own dark night of the soul. In a sense, as
she had done, I needed to go through the hell I went through to answer the call.
While I felt Sonia’s pain, I couldn’t help but think about the millions of people that had their own dark
nights. How many folks went through extreme suffering to move into all that they are; what they have
been spiritually groomed to be. I considered how my journey was so similar, but still so different. The
walk she was called to with only her resources simulated my own 2000+ mile cross country trek to an
unknown world that friends even said I was crazy to do. The difference was I had financial worries that
compounded my journey. I had the fortunate concerns of how I would pay my car note, eat, bills and
navigate day to day concerns that many other people going through this struggle undertake. I thought
about how it is never easy to navigate through so much loss, it is compounded by adding financial woes.
When you are amid such despair, the last thing on your mind is other people, although; when you take
your mind off your own problems and help someone else, answers show up. I was lead by spirit to leave
my home of 15+ years, all my friends and family and go to a place I had only been to when I was 9 years
old. I was in a place where I did not see anything improving in my life. My life was mundane. I was
divorced, my children were grown, and my job was just that, a job not an adventure. My soul needed a
change. My spirit spoke to me and said go. I tried to prepare, however, the more I attempted to
prepare, the more things did not work out. So, go I did.
When I arrived at my destination, I thought that because I was called there, that it would be easy, and
things would work out perfectly. I thought I would get a job, I would get my own place and life would be
grand again. This was not the case, I got a temporary job that was sporadic, and part time work. I
encountered racism that I had never experienced before in the work place and went through some mind
games that were beyond my comprehension. And if that weren’t enough, I got sicker than I have ever
been before. My blood pressure was at stroke level and I had a gallbladder attacked me. I questioned
God, asking him why he had brought me out here for me to die. When I received no answer, my spirit
would not allow me to give up. I wailed and cried, however, I stood firm in the face of despair. I had not
experienced such extreme poverty in the years since beginning my career and at one point wasn’t
handling it very well. I realized at this time that I had tied my existence to my finances and this was one
of the reasons that I had to come out here, to learn to listen to spirit and separate my self from my
finances. I had to realize that I was more than my money and the spirit was important in my life. I could
no longer be controlled by anything that wasn’t spiritually urgent. I had to experience this dark night of
the soul to emerge as a powerful, creative spiritual being in place to help others to navigate this world.
I, like Sonia had to take that walk and trust that the Universe truly has my back and learn the lessons to
receive the humility that was waiting for me in the end.
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